


You hurt, but I can take it

by CurlyKitten



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Confusion, Domestic Fluff, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friendship, Just to be sure, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad and Happy, Unrequited Love, chenle is very confusion, i dont really know what this whole thing is, i sure dont, is it light angst?, nana is a sweet friend, oh but also! bits of, or maybe, sorry im so awful at tags, thats basically it, who knows - Freeform, xuxi is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:06:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlyKitten/pseuds/CurlyKitten
Summary: Their friendship had always been simple and easy. They had known each other for a long time, and they had hit it off extremely well ever since the start. Donghyuck's family loved Chenle, and Chenle's family loved Donghyuck. They told each other everything, all the secrets, all the questions, all the gossip, and they always supported each other as much as they could. Chenle loved it. He loved having a friend that he could trust so deeply, that he could talk to about anything without being afraid to be judged, a friend that would be there for him through thick and thin.But somewhere along the ride, things stopped being all fun and flowery.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Zhong Chen Le, Lee Taeyong/Moon Taeil, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Qian Kun & Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	You hurt, but I can take it

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, almost a year without posting anything oops ^^'  
> I actually wrote this like in June or something, but never posted it. I was just experimenting with something more "angsty" for a change but ended up not liking how it turned out very much. I still don't love it, but I don't really mind it as much now so I decided to share it!  
> It's kinda messily written and kinda confusing, but I hope you like it!

Chenle loved Donghyuck. He loved Donghyuck to bits. He was one of his best friends after all.

What he didn't love, however, was the confusion Donghyuck created inside his head.

Their friendship had always been simple and easy. They had known each other for a long time, and they had hit it off extremely well ever since the start. Donghyuck's family loved Chenle, and Chenle's family loved Donghyuck. They told each other everything, all the secrets, all the questions, all the gossip, and they always supported each other as much as they could. Chenle loved it. He loved having a friend that he could trust so deeply, that he could talk to about anything without being afraid to be judged, a friend that would be there for him through thick and thin.

But somewhere along the ride, things stopped being all fun and flowery.

Chenle had always considered Donghyuck one of his closest friends, along with Jisung and Jaemin, so they were always confortable talking about whatever was on their minds. That included, of course, crushes and love interests. It was no secret that Donghyuck was a beautiful boy, tan skin, full lips and sparkly eyes on display for everyone to see, so he attracted a lot of eyes. Chenle had always supported him whenever anyone showed interest on the boy, "That Jeno guy is looking at you, go talk to him!", and every time Donghyuck did approach the other person, Chenle felt himself sinking a little. What if Donghyuck did end up dating them? He wouldn't have time for Chenle anymore... But Chenle had to be happy for him, he was his best friend and Donghyuck's happiness mattered the most. So he gave his friend a thumbs up every time he looked his way, listened to his rants every time Donghyuck needed to get it out of his chest, and motivated him every time he was feeling unsure, all while showing his signature big smile, and all while feeling confused as to why it bothered him a little that someone else was taking an interest on Donghyuck, _his_ Donghyuck. But Donghyuck's happiness made Chenle happy, and that overpowered whatever confusing thoughts were going through his head, so he would just push them to the back of his mind. He couldn't help the relief that would spread over him when, a few weeks later, Donghyuck would come to him saying "I don't think he's who I'm looking for, I think I'll tell him I just want to be friends...". Chenle would still show an apologetic face, say "If that's what you feel it's okay, you deserve only the best anyway!" and comfort the other, but inside, he couldn't help but feel a little tiny bit happy that his best friend wasn't going to be taken away.

Chenle always acted the same near Donghyuck, the way a best friend would act (maybe a little more touchy, but that was just their thing), because when they were together, that was all Donghyuck was, his best friend. But sometimes, when Chenle got home, greeted his dad with a hug and went to his room, he would think about it all. He would think about Donghyuck, about how he felt towards him, why he always felt scared when the other mentioned other boys now when he wouldn't even pay it mind before, why he would only have these thoughts when he was alone, if Jisung or Jaemin or any of their friends also felt like that, if it was a phase, if he was just a bad, jealous and possessive friend, if he just cared way too much for Donghyuck or if he had a... No, he didn't have one. Did he? He didn't know, and it was messing him up. Donghyuck was messing him up.

During one of their sleepovers, Donghyuck mentioned it again. They were in the elder's room, and his dad, Taeyong, had already said good night to them about three times, peppering them with kisses on the last one. Donghyuck would have been embarrassed out of his mind hadn't Chenle known his dad's antics for a long time by now. They were laying on the boy's bed, talking and talking some more. Somehow, they seemed to never run out of conversation topic.

And then Donghyuck said it. After a lot of pestering by Chenle, because apparently the other was "embarrassed", he said it. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you, no more tickling!" Chenle giggled triumphantly.

"I... I really wanna..."

"Go on..."

"I really wanna date Lucas!"

Donghyuck covered his face with a pillow almost as fast as Chenle's heart dropped.

"Oh."

Donghyuck takes the pillow away from his face, only to see Chenle staring at the mattress.

"... Are you okay? Did I do something...?"

Chenle snaps back to the scene.

"No! I just don't get why you'd be embarrassed to tell me that."

"It's just... It's never been me having a crush on someone... When we talk about this stuff, it's always about someone who's already interested in me, and I don't think-"

"Lucas is interested in you? Yeah, he probably isn't. He's an year older and super popular, I don't think he even knows us. Plus, I think he's already taken anyway."

The younger catches himself from speaking any further. His tone had been way too harsh, even if Donghyuck didn't seem to notice. Probably too busy thinking about Lucas. Pretty, popular, perfect Lucas.

"Yeah, I know, but... feelings, you know?"

Yes, Chenle did know. Those stupid "feelings" were what was hurting and frustrating him. He now knew Donghyuck had the same problem, but regarding Lucas. So he didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah."

He did his best to sound tired and like his sweet normal self, so that his next sentence wouldn't feel so forced.

"I'm really tired Haechannie, do you think we could talk about this tomorrow?"

"Of course, I'm sorry Lele, it's late... Let's sleep now."

Chenle had already turned his body in the direction opposite to Donghyuck, when he felt a small peck on his head, followed by a warm "Sweet dreams, Lele."

He only managed to get out a quiet "Sweet dreams" back before he had to focus all of his energy on not sobbing out loud as a lonely tear rolled down his cheek and wet his pillow. It was making him sad, that being in the same room as Donghyuck, the one he always felt so comfortable with, was now almost asphixiating, and that the other didn't even suspect Chenle was feeling that way. He wished he could just go home to his dad's room, get on his bed with him and be enveloped by what the man liked to call the "Kun Kuddles", those always made him feel better.

He knew he was being ridiculous. Why was he even reacting that way...? He didn't even like Donghyuck that way! And what if he did? That didn't justify anything, his friend's happiness was the most important, and he should support him always, specially when it was something Donghyuck, the king of confidence, was insecure about. So he decided he was going to make it up for him. Even if it hurt a little, God knows why (because Chenle certainly didn't), he was going to do his best to see his friend happy.

The next morning, as expected, Donghyuck was still asleep when Chenle woke up. So he did his best to get out of the room without making any noise and hoping he would find who he wanted in the kitchen. Luck was on his side, because as soon as he got there, he saw Donghyuck's dad on the phone with someone.

"I'm sorry but it's the truth Doyoung, green just doesn't suit you...! ... What do you mean it doesn't suit ME?! The colour green was MADE to be worn by me! ... How dare you... We do NOT speak of my green hair and you know it, that's in the past and-"

The older suddenly seems to notice Chenle's presence, and ends the call quickly, not caring if the other person had finished talking.

"Chenle! Up so early?"

Chenle looks at the clock on the wall. A half past 10 am. He looks back at Taeyong, who had followed his eyes and was now smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry, I live among sleepy heads... For me to see someone at this time of the morning, on a Saturday, without having to wake them up... is always surprising."

Chenle smiles at the man. It wasn't the first time he had slept there, but usually they would spend the whole night awake and he would only get up when Donghyuck did, late. Which reminded him, he had a task to fulfill.

"I just wanted to know if you could help me make pancakes for Haechannie."

He smiled his best smile, which made the man stare fondly at him before his face shifted into concern.

"Why? Is my baby feeling sad? Tell me!"

Before he could react, Donghyuck's dad was already lightly gripping his shoulders and starting to breathe faster than normal. He knew Donghyuck would kill him if he ever dared to answer affirmatively to the man's question.

"No, no! He's absolutely okay! I just wanted to surprise him since I woke up earlier...!"

Taeyong immediately returned to his normal state, taking a hand to Chenle's head and ruffling his hair after smiling at him.

"You're a good kid Chenle, Hyuckie is very lucky to have you as a friend."

Chenle felt himself blush at the praise. He knew very well that of all Donghyuck's friends, he was probably Taeyong's favourite, but hearing the man say such things made him feel proud.

The pancakes were ready in no time, and their smell woke up Donghyuck and his dad, Taeil, because soon enough, their heads were peeking at the kitchen door. Taeyong ordered everyone to sit down before placing a plate of beautiful fluffy pancakes in front of each person. They looked delicious, even more with all the fruits and syrup decorating them.

"Courtesy of me and Chenle."

Taeyong winked at the younger, and Taeil sent a sleepy smile his way. Donghyuck just made a surprised face before he started clapping.

"Wow, you made these? They're delicious!"

He felt his cheeks heat up a little. He had made sure to work the hardest on Donghyuck's pancakes so that they'd be not only the tastiest ones, but also the prettiest ones, so he was happy the other seemed to appreciate it. He hoped they could serve as an apology to the other, even if he wasn't mad at Chenle. Maybe as a self apology too.

Taeyong cleared his throat.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you made them too dad, stop seeking for attention, this is Chenle's moment."

Donghyuck sent a wink his way, and Chenle had to stop himself from laughing at the way Donghyuck's dad crossed his arms, a big frown on his face. Luckily, his husband always had the cure for the pout disease, and it was as simple as a peck on the cheek. Worked for everyone.

Donghyuck and Chenle spent the rest of the day playing games, helping out with lunch, getting some homework done and watching movies. When the doorbell rang and Taeil said "Chenle, your dad is here.", he realized they hadn't even mentioned the talk from the night before. Fortunately for him, Donghyuck's dads always invited his dad for tea when he came to pick him up, and he could never refuse, so he still had at least half an hour left. The thing was... How was he supposed to bring it up...? 'Hey Haechan you can talk to me about your crush now.' ...Okay, that didn't sound that bad, but Chenle couldn't do it. He still didn't want to talk about it. And so the thirty minutes went by in the blink of an eye, and Chenle had to go home. He made sure to hug Donghyuck tighter than usual when he was leaving, and to give him a reassuring smile. He was offered the same bright smile he always received. Donghyuck really hadn't noticed then... Good.

He spent his saturday night thinking some more. Among his thoughts, some unwanted ones came. He imagined how it would be to have Donghyuck as something more than his best friend and he wanted to slap himself. He imagined how it would be to hold his hand, to cuddle with him, to... kiss him. He almost considered going to the kitchen to get a frying pan and hit himself on the head until he blacked out when the making out thoughts came. Chenle was a teen, his hormones were a mess (that was probably the reason behind it all even), but to think of his best friend like that? It was unnacceptable to him, it was freaking him out. So, before he could throw himself out of the window, he decided to go ask his dad if he needed help with anything. That would be a good distraction.

Or it would have been a good distraction, had it not been 11 pm. His dad was now just sat on the couch, book in hand, staring at him.

"... With what exactly would I need help with at this time of night? Shouldn't you be in bed already...?"

Chenle internally facepalmed himself.

"... I couldn't sleep without a goodnight kiss...?"

He smiled awkwardly at his dad's raised eyebrow.

"You already gave me a goodnight kiss before going to your room."

"Yeah, but... hmm... you didn't give me one!"

"I was going to, but you just ran off upstairs!"

Oh, right. He had done that.

He hears his dad sigh before getting up and close to him.

"Is something wrong, sweetheart?" He felt his dad's hand cupping his cheek reassuringly, and he suddenly just wanted to hug him and cry. "You're acting weird since you came from Donghyuck's house... You know you can tell me if anything's bothering you, right?"

Chenle had to resist the urge to tell everything to his dad, his worries, his confusing thoughts, everything. He knew he could always count on his dad for everything, but that would just be embarrassing, weird and uncomfortable, and Chenle wasn't ready for that.

"I'm fine dad, don't worry! It's just that Haechanie's dad always tucks us to bed when I go there, and that just made me miss the good old days, when you did the same..."

He throws an innocent look at his dad's offended face.

"Excuse me mister, but you were the one that was all like 'Boo hoo, I'm too old for you to be tucking me into bed dad' even though you were just a baby."

"I was 13, dad."

"A baby!!"

Chenle chuckles at the exasperated tone.

"Well, maybe this baby feels like being tucked in today...?"

Kun rolls his eyes, but starts walking to the stairs anyway, indicating that his son had won the battle. Chenle, however, doesn't move.

"Can you carry me?"

His dad looks back at him, and remains speechless for a while.

"... Aren't you a little heavy for me to be carrying you...?"

Chenle's eyes shine with mischief.

"Maybe... Or maybe you're just too old to do it now."

As if a sudden wave of strenght had hit his dad, he throws Chenle over his shoulder as if he was a potato sack, and the younger can't help but laugh way too loudly at the small "This is gonna kill my back..." he hears as they were climbing the stairs.

Already in bed, Chenle gets the goodnight kiss he fussed so much about, accompanied by a sweet smile. His dad's sweet smiles were his favourites. They made him feel safe and loved.

"I love you, yeah?"

"I love you too, dad."

This time he was the one pulling his dad into a hug, and smiling once he felt a hand caressing his head softly. He really had the best dad ever.

Kun left another peck on his son's nose and walked to the door. Before closing it, he smiled at the young boy one last time.

"Sleep well, my angel."

And so Chenle did.

Sunday was his dad's day off, so they spent it together. After all this time of it being mostly just the two of them ever since his brother left for university, Chenle still loved spending time with his dad, it never seemed to get old.

They went grocery shopping, went to see a movie and then ate dinner at some random diner they passed by. The food wasn't too bad.

As soon as they got home, Chenle plopped down on the couch.

"Man, I wish weekends were longer..."

Kun tickles the boy's exposed tummy, making him flinch and fall to the ground.

"Don't we all young man, don't we all."

He flicks Chenle's forehead when he catches sight of the younger's pout, and starts heading to the kitchen.

"Come on, go take a shower, I'll make us some tea."

Chenle does as he's told, though not before sticking his tongue out at his dad.

After his shower, he heads to the kitchen and finds his dad staring into nothing, his spoon spinning slowly inside a cup of warm tea.

He takes the seat next to him, the one that already has a cup ready to drink from, awaking the other from his thoughts.

"Are you alright?"

His dad looks at him and smiles a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'm just tired." Chenle throws him an "aaaand?" look, so that Kun will keep talking. "And I was thinking about you. When you were a baby." He pauses. "Remember when you somehow got stuck inside a drawer when playing hide and seek? I just remember your brother running to me with tears in his eyes saying you were going to be stuck there forever and die." He chuckles. "And then I went to get you out and you were also crying your eyes out, saying you were gonna starve because you were hungry. You had been there for about 10 minutes." Chenle facepalms. Him and his brother were dumb kids. Kun takes a sip of his tea. "Turns out you had just been blocking the drawer because you were rolled into a ball."

"I kinda want to forget that, but you keep mentioning it every time you can, so yes, I do remember it very clearly."

Chenle hated that his dad would always tell everyone that story, but at the same time he didn't, because every time the man's eyes would sparkle with love.

"Do you remember what happened next?"

There was a "next"...? His dad never mentioned it when telling the story, weird...

"No...? What happened?"

"You and your brother just clinged to me and started yelling how sorry you were, how much you loved me and each other, and how you didn't want to lose me or the other. You kept crying and hugging me so tight I could barely breathe, but I kept holding you and telling you it was okay. After a while it started going silent, and after a few more minutes, your hold loosened. You had both fallen asleep in my arms." His dad's eyes get stuck on one spot again. "And then I realized we had been hugging for hours. We had been on the floor hugging each other for hours and I hadn't even noticed. I was so focused on you two and you two only, that nothing else around me mattered."

Chenle could see that his dad's eyes had become watery. Oh no.

"And now you're all grown up. Your brother has left for university and soon you will too. And I'll be..."

"Dad, don't you dare!"

He gets up from his chair and sits on the man's lap, throwing his arms around his shoulders and shaking him a little.

"Junnie told me you were having this exact same conversation with him the other day! Come on dad, do you really think we're just gonna disappear once I go off to uni? No! Doesn't Junnie call us basically every day?"

Kun pouts.

"Yeah, but he's not here..."

"He visits almost every weekend!"

"That's not the same."

Chenle rolls his eyes. He felt like he was talking to a child.

"Dad, look. It's gonna be hard for you, and it's gonna be hard for me. Don't think I won't be missing you, like, all day every day, because I will, but we will adapt. We have to, everyone does. It might seem scary now, but I know we'll try our best to keep seeing each other as often as we can, just like Xiaojun is doing. And meanwhile, we still have a lot of time to spend together before I go!" He sighs. "I promise we won't drift apart, okay?"

He plants a small kiss on the man's forehead when he hears a silent "Okay..." coming from him.

"Good. Now show me a smile."

Kun chuckles. Usually this talk goes the other way, with him demanding a smile from his son. He was raising him well.

"There, "dad", you got your smile. Now get out of my lap, you're heavy."

Chenle returns to his seat, happy that his dad was smiling again. Xiaojun would be proud of him.

"You know what you need? To date someone."

Kun almost chokes on his tea.

"That talk again? Shut up and drink your tea."

Chenle snickered before bringing the cup to his lips, and even though the tea was not only cold but also sugarless (it was his own fault, he always told his dad he liked to mix the sugar himself), he drank it all with a smirk directed at the flustered man.

It was now monday morning and Chenle's alarm was going off way too loudly. Luckily, he was in a good mood. He had slept very peacefully after drinking the tea (even if it had tasted disgusting) and after his dad had tucked him into bed and given him a good night kiss again. He felt strong and ready for another week of school.

That was, until he actually got to school, of course.

He spotted Donghyuck and Jaemin talking close to their classroom. Jisung wasn't there, so he had probably not arrived yet.

He got closer and greeted them, being immediatelly attacked by Jaemin's overly excited self. How he was this energetic on a monday morning was still beyond Chenle's comprehension.

"Chenle, guess who just passed by and got our chocoball's legs feeling like jello!"

Oh. Right. There was that thing going on. Great.

"Jaemin!"

"What? You said he knew...!"

Chenle tried to gently unattatch Jaemin's hand from his shoulder, all while forcing a smile.

"Doesn't mean he wants you to be yelling it on people's faces."

"Thank you Chenle."

He gives Donghyuck a quick smile before looking at the hall. Was Jisung going to take long to arrive or what?

"Whatever, you two are boring. I'll think about the way you and Lucas will live happily ever after by myself."

Chenle knew not to take what Jaemin said too seriously, but the way a small smile had appeared on Donghyuck's lips after the other's sentence irked the younger to no end.

"You shouldn't give him hope for something that probably won't happen."

He regrets saying it as soon as it leaves his mouth, mostly because he could see the sadness in Donghyuck's eyes.

"Yeah, he's right Nana... I'm not dumb, I know Lucas is with someone already."

"Oh come on Duckie, Chenle's just being a party pooper!"

And the nasty look Jaemin threw him was the last string.

"I'm being a party pooper? Look, just because you got into your head that you're gonna end up with this soundcloud rapper Mark dude, doesn't mean everyone wants to live in that kind of fantasy. You don't even know who he is or what he looks like but you talk about him as if it's certain you two are going to get married, just because what? You like his songs? That's great and all, but not everyone lives in dream land, some of us live here, in the real world, okay?"

Chenle had never wanted to disappear from the world as much as he wanted now. Everyone in the hall was looking at him. Jisung had gotten there somewhere along the way of his ridiculous speech and was looking dumbfounded. He had never seen Chenle talk like that to anyone. No one had ever seen Chenle talk like that to anyone. Simply because Chenle had never talked like that to anyone. 

Donghyuck was also looking at him, shock and disappointment evident on his face. But the worse was when Chenle looked back at Jaemin. He was frozen in place, probably feeling completely humiliated under everyone's gaze while trying not to let the tears that had accumulated on his eyes spill. He had done that to Jaemin. He had done that to one of his friends. Chenle wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and go home to his father's arms and never leave again. And he wanted that even more after Jaemin stormed out of the hall, Donghyuck following behind.

Jisung approached him.

"Hmm... What just happened...?"

"Sorry, need to be alone."

And with that, Chenle brushed past his friend and headed to the closest bathroom. He thanked the heavens no one was inside, and as soon as he got into a stall, he took his phone out and pressed one of the first contacts that appeared.

He waited for the call to be picked up. And even if it only took a few seconds, it felt like hours of waiting.

"Hello?"

"Junnie, I messed up, I messed up big time."

"Hey, Lele, calm down, breathe."

The voice on the other end of the phone sounded tired, and Chenle remembered his brother only had afternoon classes on Mondays. Great, he had been a terrible friend, and now he was being a terrible  
brother by not letting the other rest.

"Lele, when I said breathe, I meant slower, not faster."

Only then did he realize he was pratically hyperventillating. How had he gotten to this point...? Hyperventillating inside a school bathroom stall while being a cry baby to his brother that should be asleep... It was pityful, to say the least.

He tried to do as his brother told him and attempted to control his breathing.

"There you go, that's my Lele. Now tell me, what happened?"

Chenle didn't even know where to start. He didn't want to tell his brother how he was feeling weird about his own best friend. So he tried to ommit that.

"Well, you know Nana, right?" He hears an affirmative hum. "And you know Haechannie?"

"You know I know them, they've been to our house countless times. Tell me what's wrong."

"Okay, so, Haechan has a crush on this dude from our school, but I don't think he should get his hopes up, because... because the dude is already taken."

"I see."

"And so I told him that. But then Nana said I was being boring and a party pooper, so I... I kinda got mad at him and may have been... a bit mean... Very mean. And now I don't know what to do because he ran off crying."

Saying that out loud, Chenle felt disgusting. He felt his lips tremble and his eyes sting when he remembered the hurt on Jaemin's face after he had said those awful things to him.

"Crying?! How mean were you?"

His brother clearly hadn't understood Chenle was already feeling like crap, so much so that he couldn't hold his sobs anymore.

"Oh no, sweetheart I'm sorry, don't cry!"

He rubbed his eyes to clean the couple of tears that had managed to escape and tried to calm himself.

"Look, there's no point in crying now. What you can do is apologize to Jaemin. I can't guarantee he'll accept your apologies, but at least you'll show that you regret what you did. Time will take care of the rest."

Chenle sniffs.

"As for Donghyuck, the same applies. Time heals any kind of heartbreak, specially crush related ones, trust me. So don't you guys worry too much, he'll be fine."

"What if... What if Nana doesn't want to talk to me again...?"

He hears Xiaojun let out a soft chuckle.

"For what I know of Jaemin, that won't happen. He's a boy full of love, and you guys are great friends, he knows you're the sweetest pea in the peapod."

Chenle really loved his brother, he always knew the right thing to say to make him feel better.

"And even if it takes a while for him to forgive you, well... You know me and dad are always here for you, ready to give you all the love you need."

The younger sighs, suddenly feeling extremely lonely on the empty bathroom. He missed his brother.

"I wish I could hug you."

"Oh Lele... I'll tell you what, as soon as I get there this weekend, you're getting the biggest hug of your life. Is that good?"

Chenle nods before remembering he was on the phone.

"It's perfect."

His brother chuckles again before scolding him about how late he was to class. Chenle was about to turn off the call when the other speaks one last time.

"Hey, angel?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll be okay."

Chenle takes a few minutes convincing himself to enter the classroom. When he does, he's met with his teacher's disapproving gaze, but he couldn't care less. As he walks to his seat, he notices that Donghyuck had barely looked at him before turning away, and that Jisung was still carrying the same confused expression from before. Jaemin was nowhere to be seen.

He tries not to panic.

Jaemin was, however, still at school. Wandering through the halls, to be exact. He had started doing it because Donghyuck had told him it could possibly calm him down, but now he wasn't doing it for that anymore. He was past the stage of being calm, now he was suspicious. Suspicious that something, or rather, someone, was following him. He was walking and stopping every couple of minutes, hearing the clumsy footsteps follow behind. If this person thought they were being sneaky, they desperatly needed to reevalute their life. Jaemin was amusing himself with this, sometimes starting to run and hearing panicked gasps behind him before the footsteps fastenned. He was just glad the corridors were empty, or they could have been in trouble.

After a few more minutes, he decided that it was enough playing around. He had gone through the whole school twice, and the school was very big, so that was saying something.

He stops abruptly and quickly looks back, managing to catch someone's figure hide on a corner, behind an entrance Jaemin had just passed by. He smirks to himself as he very quietly makes his way to where the other person was trying to hide, and stops at the opposite side of the entrance. As expected, the other's head peeks to see if it was safe to continue, but comes face to face with a devilish grin.

"Gotcha!"

Jaemin lets out a loud cackle when the person, a boy, falls to the ground with a surprised yelp. It would be fun to play angry and intimidate the guy, but he looked too small and scared now that he was almost shaking on the ground. So Jaemin settled for offering his hand and helping him up before starting the interrogatory.

"Hmm, thanks."

"Care to tell me why you were following me...? I mean, I'm used to having a lot of followers, but usually they don't do... whatever you were doing."

The boy looks at the ground. Jaemin can tell he's nervous, he's very fidgety. He takes one of his hands to the other's uneasy ones to try and calm them down, but the boy startles and flies his hands to behind his back.

"I'm, hmm, sorry I followed you. Bye."

Before the boy can run away, Jaemin grabs his wrist and holds him in place.

"Hey, you aren't going anywhere before giving me an explanation."

He has his serious face on now, and he knows his serious face is scary, so he knows the boy will talk.

He let's go of the other and crosses his arms, his face urging him to start explaining.

"Well, hmm, you... The other boy said, hmm... you liked..."

Jaemin rolled his eyes. Did this kid want to make fun of him, was that it?

"A soundcloud rapper? Yeah, I do, is there a problem with that?"

The other's eyes widened, and he was quick to franctically wave his hands in front of himself.

"No, no! Not at all! It's just, hmm..."

Jaemin squinted at the other suspiciously. Jeez, this boy talked slow. And very quietly. He could barely hear what he was saying.

"I, hmm, I like him as well! Mark, that is. And, hmm, yeah."

Jaemin's eyes were shining so much they could probably rival the sun.

"You like Mark?! Oh my god, what's your favourite track? Like, everyone likes Cherry Bomb, and I'm not gonna lie, he really went hard on that one, but I personally really like one of his most recent ones, Superhuman, it makes me feel motivated to keep going!"

"That's one of my favourites as well!"

It was the first time Jaemin actually heard the other's voice clearly before the boy covered his mouth and looked away, apologizing for being so excited. Oh. Interesting.

Jaemin decided to speak a bit more.

"Isn't it amazing that he composes and produces and does basically everything alone? And the songs still turn out complete masterpieces every time? Wow, he's such an inspiration, isn't he?"

He manages to catch himself before continuing his rant. Usually his friends would have to suffer for at least half an hour, but he doesn't want to scare off a... potential new friend right off the bat. Unfortunately, when Jaemin looked at the other, he was just standing there, looking at him with a stunned expression. Even if he probably thought Jaemin was crazy now, he looked cute. Had his cheeks been that pretty pink colour before?

After a few seconds of Jaemin feeling slightly uncomfortable under the other's gaze, the boy looks down, and Jaemin could almost swear there was a small smile on his lips.

"Yeah, he's... he's cool."

He takes that as his cue to continue.

"So, now that we're Mark buddies, I'm Jaemin, but my friends call me Nana. What's your name?"

"M-my name?"

"Yeah, you have a name don't you?" Jaemin smirks. "Everyone has a name."

"Of course I have a name! I'm, uh... Minhyung."

The name comes out so tiny that Jaemin can barely hear it, but he still smiles at the boy.

"Minhyung... I like it!" The other blushes. "Say Minhyung, do you wanna hang out with me for a bit? I've missed over half of my class now, doesn't really make sense to go back."

The boy ponders for a while before a small "Okay." comes out of his mouth. Jaemin smiles victoriously.

"Sooo... What's your favourite thing about Mark?" They had now exited the school. The gates were open because there had been a field trip, and the students involved were about to arrive, so he had decided to take Minhyung to his favourite cafe, since it was just down the street. They'd have plenty of time to get back to their next classes before the bell even rang. "Mine is how hard working and passionate he is, and how great his lyrics always are! He puts his all in his music and that's amazing."

The other's cheeks go a little red before answering.

"Hmm, I like that he's... determined. Regarding his rap."

"He really is isn't he?" Jaemin releases a dreamy sigh. "I wish I could meet him one day..."

The other boy's face falls a little.

"Do you think... He'll be like you expect him to be...? I mean, you know, like us fans expect him to be! Don't you think you'll be... disappointed...?"

They're very close to the cafe now, and Jaemin is happy the boy forgot to lower his voice again.

Maybe he was getting more comfortable.

"Oh Minhyung, I could never be disappointed." He stops them both and brings his face closer to the other's, booping his nose with his finger. "You're perfect."

Before Minhyung's shocked look can turn into anything else, Jaemin grabs his hand and starts running to the shop, pulling the other along. He didn't need to look back to know the other was as red as a tomato. How could he not be, when Na Jaemin himself was a flustered mess?

"Here, try the croissant, they're delicious." Jaemin pushed his plate in Minhyung's direction. "I can't believe you thought you could fool me, _me_ , your biggest fan. I know your voice better than I know my own!"

The other just nibbled on the croissant while looking down, ashamed.

"Mark Lee goes to my school... _THE_ Mark Lee!"

"Shh! Please stop saying that...!"

Minhyung hides his blushing face behind the menu that had been discarded to the side of the table. Jaemin rests his head on his hand.

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed."

The boy lowers the piece of plastified card slowly, so that the younger can see his frown. He looks even cuter now, with his nose slightly scrunched, so Jaemin giggles. That seems to soften the other's expression.

"So, hmm, am I... am I what you were expecting or...?"

Jaemin has to hold himself from laughing at how awkward Minhyung seems to feel.

"Not really..."

The other immediately looks at Jaemin, and wow, if Jaemin doesn't smooch that puppy face soon he might pass out.

"Your raps are powerful and hot," He wiggles his eyebrows and feels amused at the boy's red cheeks. "But in person, you are... how should I say this... A cutie patootie."

"I can be powerful and hot if I want!"

Mark's offended face just fuels Jaemin's need to tease him.

"I know you can darling, of course! I'm just saying that when you rap you're like... a lion! The king of the jungle. But in person you're more like a... a small baby kitten."

Minhyung's eyes turn a little dark as he inches forward to get closer to the other. Jaemin likes this.

"I'd show you how much of a "lion" I can be if we were alone."

Even though his heart skipped a beat, Jaemin kept his cool image, inching forward himself so that their faces would be even closer. He liked the adrenaline of being challenged, even more if it was by the guy of his dreams.

"Yeah? I'd love to see it."

The other boy suddenly retracts himself, so harshly he almost falls to the ground.

"I-I meant through rapping! Don't be weird!"

Jaemin laughs with his whole chest. Minhyung didn't seem to be very familiar with the concept of flirting.

"You're all bark and no bite. An adorable Markiepoo."

He giggles as he watches Minhyung cross his arms and mumble incomprehensible words to himself, and gets up to pay. He makes sure to leave a quick peck on the other's cheek when making his way to the register. When he looks back, he sees the boy cupping his own blushing face, an almost non existent smile adorning his lips. He feels so warm and happy he almost misses the woman asking for his money.

It was finally the end of class. Chenle felt that a lesson had never taken as long to finish as that one had. He had spent the whole time thinking and feeling bad about what he had said to Jaemin. He didn't even have Donghyuck's sweet smiles to give him strenght, the other had refused to look at him. So when the bell rang, Chenle dashed out of the classroom. He was determined to find Jaemin and apologize the most sincerely he could. Hopefully that would make things a little better.

He looked everywhere, and just when he was losing hope, he passed by a window and spotted Jaemin close to the school's front gate. He ran there as fast as he could, finding him halfway, at the bottom of the stairs. He was with another boy, one that Chenle had never seen before. Was he a new friend...? It didn't matter, because as soon as Jaemin's eyes met Chenle's, the other started walking away, dragging the unknown boy with him. Chenle had to do something.

"Nana, wait!"

He chased after them, and bumped into the elder when he stopped, still not facing Chenle.

"Please let me talk to you..."

It came out a little broken, but that seemed to soften Jaemin's heart. He sighed and turned to the third boy, asking for his phone. When the guy gave him his phone, Jaemin quickly put his number on it and returned it to it's owner.

"Bye Mark, talk to you later hopefully?"

Jaemin offered the boy one of his pretty smiles, and before the other had time to say anything back, he grabbed Chenle's arm and started dragging him away. Chenle looked back at the boy that now stood alone, still looking at them almost in awe, his cheeks pink, and- Wait a second, had Jaemin called him Mark?

"Walk faster, I don't have all day."

Chenle did as he was told, he didn't want to get on Jaemin's bad side more than he already was.

The older guided them to an empty zone near the storage room. That was where he and his friends would always go when they needed to talk about more serious matters.

"So?"

Chenle gulped. He could do this.

"I just wanted to apologize. I... I didn't mean any of the things I said. I was just angry, and don't ask me why, because I don't really know. I just felt frustrated when I saw you leading Haechan on with the Lucas thing, but I know that's not an excuse to talk to you, or to anyone, like that. You've always been a great friend to me and you didn't deserve me acting the way I did. I'm sorry Nana."

Chenle shivered under Jaemin's cold gaze, but it soon turned into a soft, fond one.

"My little Lele..." Jaemin brings a hand to his head and pets his hair. "I'm not mad at you. I did get upset at your tone and words, and embarrassed that everyone was looking at me, but I know you're not like that. You're a good person."

Chenle melts when met with the other's warm smile, and loses no time in hugging him as tight as he can.

"I'm so, _so_ sorry Nana!"

Jaemin chuckles and hugs back, just as tight.

"It's okay. You know I could never be mad at your cute face. Plus..." Jaemin breaks the hug for a minute, so that he can look at Chenle's face. "You did make me meet none other than my "dream land" crush."

Chenle would have felt bad hadn't Jaemin winked at him with a playful smile on his lips. And only then did Chenle realize what Jaemin had just said.

"Wait, you met Mark? _THE_ Mark?! Was he really that guy you were with right now?"

"The one and only. He heard what you said so he decided to follow me through the whole school, I guess."

Jaemin snorts, and Chenle smiles.

"I wasn't expecting him to be like that... He's much more, hmm..."

"Adorable?"

"Nerdy. More nerdy than I thought."

They both stare at each other before erupting into a fit of giggles. As it dies down, Jaemin speaks up again.

"Hey, Lele? I'm sorry too, that I called you a party pooper."

"You don't need to apologise at all, I overreacted..."

"Yes I do. I'm also sorry that I annoyed you by talking about Lucas. I think I understand the reason you reacted that way, but I don't wanna jump to conclusions."

Chenle doesn't really feel like talking about that anymore, but Jaemin is being too nice and understanding, so he does his best to not feel so bothered by the subject. Instead, he decides to tell Jaemin the truth.

"How can you understand, not even I understand..." He hugs Jaemin a little tighter. Even if he's not saying much, he feels vulnerable in the other's arms. "Please help me understand Nana..."

"Lele..." He feels Jaemin's hand rub small, reassuring circles on his back. "I know it's confusing, but I can't tell you something I'm not sure of. I can't tell you something you yourself aren't sure of. Hell, I don't even know if we're talking about the same thing here!" Chenle can't help the quiet giggle that leaves him after the elder's silly tone. "But if we are, it has to be you coming to terms with what you think is the right answer, or rather, with what you feel is the right answer."

Chenle nods, burying his face a little further on his friend's neck.

"And what if I decide to be a coward when I find the right answer...?"

"Then you'll have to deal with the consequences of being a coward. It'll hurt a bit, but I'm sure it'll go away with time." Jaemin presses his lips to Chenle's head. "But I hope you know you can talk to me any time you need. I'll always listen and try to help."

He doesn't even know what to say to show Jaemin how grateful he is that he not only forgave him so easily, but also offered him support on whatever it was that was going through Chenle's head. So he settled for doing one of the things he did best, and showed the other his best, brightest smile, before hugging him again. Jaemin's pretend chokes only made the younger hug him tighter as they both laughed.

This was it.

He got to their classroom, Jaemin still backhugging him. It was evident in both Donghyuck's and Jisung's faces that they were beyond confused. Jaemin just threw them a thumbs up and continued to nuzzle the back of Chenle's head. The other two simply looked at each other for a while before shrugging. Apparently everything was back to normal.

Chenle still wanted to talk to Donghyuck and apologize, but luck wasn't on his side. The bell rang and they had to go inside the classroom. His shoulders slumped as he sat on his chair. He was gonna have to endure another painfully long lesson. He looked at Donghyuck. To his surprise, this time the other looked back at him, and after hesitating for a few seconds, showed him a smile.

Maybe it wouldn't be so painfully long.

Okay, it was painfully long. But at least it was over now, and Chenle could finally go and apologize.

He aproached Donghyuck's desk, and found the other staring dreamily at the wall.

Chenle cleared his throat.

"Oh, Lele! Sorry, I was just, hmm... thinking."

Yeah. Chenle wondered who Donghyuck could possibly be thinking about.

There he was getting angry for no reason again, he needed to get it together. So he grabbed Donghyuck's hand and started pulling him out of the classroom.

"I need to talk to you."

Donghyuck just nodded and let the younger lead the way. Chenle was taking him to where he and Jaemin had just been a while before, but stopped on his tracks when he saw the place was not as empty as he would have liked. He decided to try for the bathrooms, going in and out of each one every time he spotted people inside. When he finally found an empty one, the bell was almost ringing, and Donghyuck was growing impatient.

"If you wanted to give me a tour of the school's bathrooms, thanks, but I already knew them."

He turns to find an unamused expression on his friend's face. He had to start talking quick.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to find a place without people."

"And what made you think the bathrooms were going to be a quiet place during break...?"

Donghyuck chuckled at Chenle's ashamed smile and pinched the other's cheek.

"You're unbelievable Zhong Chenle." He leaned back agaist the sinks. "What did you want to talk about?"

Okay, this was it, he could do this.

"It's about... the Lucas thing."

Donghyuck seemed surprised, but still nodded his head for Chenle to go on.

"I feel like every time you've mentioned it, I haven't exactly been the most supportive... I even yelled at Nana...! So I wanted to apologize." Donghyuck looked serious, focused on what Chenle was saying, and seeing the usually playful boy like that was making him more anxious. "I'm not gonna say you'll end up with Lucas, because I don't think that's very likely to happen, at least not at the moment. And I feel frustrated when it's mentioned, because..." He sighs a deep, tired sigh, and looks his friend in the eye. "I just don't want you to get hurt Haechan..."

Donghyuck was speechless at the sincerity dripping from the other's voice, from the other's eyes. However, Chenle was still not done talking.

"You know I've always supported you and will continue to support you with anything love related, but this... I hope you can understand why I reacted that way. I know you can't control how you feel, trust me, I know. Feelings are stupid. So I'll always be by your side and I'll always try my best to make you happy when you're feeling sad. I just... can't stand the thought of my best friend being hurt over some stupid boy that isn't even worth it."

Chenle didn't know when his hands had turned into fists, but he felt Donghyuck hold them with his own.

"Lele, I hadn't even noticed you were feeling that way, but I really appreciate you apologizing regardless. As you said, feelings can't really be controlled, so I don't think I'll be able to forget Lucas just like that, specially since he's always so close, being in the same school and all." Yeah Donghyuck, tell Chenle about someone who's close and hurts you without knowing, he'd love to hear all about it. "I have accepted that it will hurt and make me sad, but it will eventually go away."

"But I don't want you to be sad."

Donghyuck chuckles and brushes his thumb softly along Chenle's knuckles. The younger feels his heart tear a little.

"Unfortunately, I don't think that's possible. But thank you for being here for me, just knowing that makes me feel better, it means a lot."

"I'll always be here for you, _always_."

Chenle's answer comes so quickly that even he himself gets caught off guard. Donghyuck smiles, the sweet smile that would always melt Chenle's heart.

"I know Lele, that's why I love you so much."

It hurt. And he didn't even know why. Before, he would thrive when Donghyuck told him that, but now? It was painful. And Chenle hated it, hated that hearing his friend saying he loved him felt so bittersweet, so good and so bad at the same time. But he still showed a smile, the one he would always reserve just for Donghyuck. He never knew why this smile was special, he just knew it was. Now he was starting to think it had always meant _"You're the sun, and the moon, and the stars"_ , and as Donghyuck took his hand and started pulling him out of the bathroom, he found himself adding _"because as much as I want to, you'll never be mine"_.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the other.

"You know Lele... It was weird when you lashed out at Jaemin, because you're always happy and smiley." He chuckles. "Sometimes I wish I could be more carefree like you, so that feelings wouldn't hurt as much."

If Chenle's heart hadn't sank low enough after hearing this, the beautiful but sad smile Donghyuck gave him sure made it go all the way up to his throat. The other was still holding onto him, but now, Chenle felt as if the elder's hand was just a dead weight pulling him down, as if his smooth, soft skin was now just a cage for Chenle's own hand.

"Are you okay? Your hand is shaking..."

Chenle was quick to pull his hand back, receiving a confused look from Donghyuck.

"I, uh, I think I'm just hungry. I skipped breakfast today."

"Chenle! You know you shouldn't skip breakfast!" The lie won him a flick on the head. "But don't worry, we only have one class left and then it's lunch time. Until then, I'll sneak you some of the crackers I brought."

The younger faked a smile and let himself be dragged to class by Donghyuck, who was pretending to not care about the fact they were late but also fastening his pace with each step. Chenle got scolded for being late by the second time that day, and went to his seat.

This time, the clock moved fast. Chenle felt numb throughout most of the lesson, only smilling at Donghyuck when the other made the crackers he had mentioned get to him. Chenle made an effort to eat one, even though he was strangely not hungry at all, and made the crackers get back to their owner. He was gonna smile again, but his eyes found Donghyuck subtly moping while doodling on his notebook. So he went back to feeling numb.

Class ended for the day, and he hugged his friends before leaving. He let himself hold onto Donghyuck a little longer, both to reassure him that he was there for whatever he needed and to reassure himself that he could do it, he could get through whatever it was that was going on with him. When hugging Jaemin, he felt like crying. He didn't know why, he just felt like he was about to break some sort of wall he had managed to create, so he ended the hug fast. Jisung didn't like hugs very much, so they just did their "goodbye" handshake.

Chenle was about to start walking home, but Jisung's brother offered him a ride. Jisung's family often offered to take Chenle home since they didn't live too far away from each other, but Chenle usually refused. Today, however, he just wanted to get home as quick as possible.

The ride was quiet, only the radio playing at a low volume and sometimes a few words exchanged between Jisung and his brother.

Stepping out of the vehicle, Chenle thanked them for the ride and walked inside his apartment. His house was even quieter than the car had been. His dad was working, so he was alone until he arrived. Completely alone.

Perfect.

He ate something quickly and ran upstairs. After diving into his bed, he let himself cry out all the frustration, sadness and anger he had gone through during that single morning. He thought about Donghyuck, about what Jaemin had told him, about how messy he felt inside. He decided it was okay to cry, and it was okay to be confused. Afterall, he would either end up understanding what he was feeling or just eventually let go of it. And if it was the first one, he was ready, because he wasn't going to let his silly feelings get in the way of one of the friendships he cherished the most. He'd try his hardest to move on without hurting anyone. Maybe only himself. But that was fine. He was strong. He could do it.

And he had Jaemin there for him. Neither of them knew what was going on with Chenle, but Jaemin was understanding of his confusion. That made him feel cared for.

And even if they didn't know anything about it, he still had his dad, his brother and Jisung to give him the extra love he could need.

And Donghyuck. He still had Donghyuck as well. After all, he was still his best friend that he loved endlesslly.

Yeah... He could do it.

Chenle woke up with the sound of the front door opening. He had probably fallen asleep without noticing, crying always tired him out.

He checked his phone and saw that he had messages from all three of his friends. Jisung's read "Are you ok? You usually sing along to the songs on the radio", Donghyuck's was a gif of an excited kitten with the caption "This looks like you when I buy you food" and a couple of laughing emojis, and Jaemin's was simply a few heart emojis. Chenle answered them quickly. He told the youngest he was fine, he had just been hungry, sent Donghyuck two emojis, an annoyed and a laughing one, and replied to Jaemin with hearts. He was going to close the chat, but typed a "Thank you" and hit send on the last minute. Then he dropped his phone on the bed.

He got up and went down the stairs. His dad was still near the door, texting someone, probably from work.

"Woah there sleepy head, did a storm break inside your room?"

The boy caught his reflection on a vase, and even though it was very unclear, he could still tell his hair was an absolute mess.

"I had a nap."

"Rough day at school?"

His father started heading to the kitchen. Chenle sighed.

"The roughest..."

That caught the man's attention, and as soon as he had left the room he was coming back, a concerned look on his face.

"Why? Is everything alright, love?"

He felt bad for worrying his dad, so he offered him a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, don't worry dad, just a lot of school work and boring classes. You know, classic teenager stuff."

Chenle made a silly face that got his dad smiling again.

"Do you need help with dinner?"

"Sure, if I have an extra hand it'll be done faster."

They go to the kitchen. The man helps his son with his apron, tying it carefully around the younger's waist, and they get to work.

In the blink of an eye, the food is ready. Chenle eats and brags about the things he had prepared or helped with, feeling joy every time his dad laughed.

After dinner, they facetimed Xiaojun, and luckily his brother had understood that he was never, ever, supposed to bring up the conversation they had had earlier. The three of them talked and laughed, and they ended the call saying how much they missed each other and how they couldn't wait for the weekend so that they could all be together.

When it was time to go to bed, Kun went to give his son a good night kiss again, this time because Xiaojun had asked his dad to do it for him since he wasn't there.

Chenle let himself be lulled by his father's sweet voice.

"Sleep well, my angel."

And he didn't think about Donghyuck again that night.

Being a teen was confusing.

Love was confusing.

So Chenle slept.  


**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I'm very good at writing sad things ^^' But I still really enjoyed writing this down, it felt nice. I feel like because Chenle was so confused the whole fic got a little confusing and messy, at least for my liking... But maybe that's just me...!  
> I really liked writing the more fluffy/happy parts hehe! (i wanted markmin to be a surprise but i felt like i had to tag them :') )  
> If you enjoyed it please dont be afraid to leave kudos or maybe even a comment, they always brighten my mood and i appreciate them lots! <3


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